What do I want?

What do you want? The answer to that question has changed so much from what it used to be. Part of me misses my old career, the endless hours of designing, sleepless nights of worrying about tomorrow’s meeting and the rush of seeing the completed project after weeks of working on it. Every once in a while I catch myself thinking back to those days (which weren’t so long ago) and wishing I was still sitting in my office, lights dimmed and a huge computer screen filled with ideas and layouts. For so long that was all I wanted in life and I got everything I worked so hard for. I was at the top of my career. I am not sure what clicked in me but gradually I started to realize that despite my success, this wasn’t where I wanted to be anymore.

So what DO I want?
I want to wake up each morning with enthusiasm, to follow my heart wherever it leads me. I want to look back at the end of my life and not wish I’d lived it differently. I want to spend time laughing with friends, laughing so much and so hard that my tummy hurts. I want to have armfuls of hugs and listening ears when people need them. I want to make memories, capture memories for others and take the time to be fully present while doing both. I want to feel excitement running through my veins like pulsing electricity, And be still in quiet moments of gratitude to feel the peace within me. I want to dare greatly, love bravely, forgive quickly, kiss deeply, and laugh insanely; And I want to share the adventures with someone who loves me. I want to go to bed at night knowing I lived my life to the fullest, took time for the ones I love and spent my hours doing something I am passionate about.

I suppose quitting a career that I made good money at to follow my heart seems like an irresponsible thing to do, but to me the irresponsibility lies in NOT changing a life that is no longer feels like your own.

Knowing what I wanted in life was never hard. Having the courage to change my life, to get what I wanted was, but I did it and life couldn’t be better.